(been a very very rough past week or so. came home. opened the laptop to work on a possible post and this is what came out. didn’t expect it, but it was exactly what i needed. i feel so much better. forgive the repetition. its what i was thinking and feeling in the moment and it wasn’t written to be shared.)

Dear Rachel,

I want you to breathe. I want you to relax, and think for a moment, of nothing. I want you to silence your thoughts, quiet your mind, and just focus on your breath. Your heart beat. The moment. Feel your lungs filling with air and realize that that is truly all you need. Your existence depends on that alone. Right here, right now, and nothing else matters. Relax.

Breathe deep. Breathe in fully. And let the air fill your lungs. And slowly release. What do you feel in your heart……? What is your truth…..? feel it.  It’s there. You know it. Hold these questions inside, but don’t answer them just yet. Read them slowly, and feel them. These are ever changing. Consider them for only a moment, and then move on. They’ll saturate. It’ll come.

What do you want…….? What matters……? What is freedom……? What imprisons you…..? How do you let it go…….?  Dearest Rachel, what do you deserve……? Where do you need to be……? What holds you back…..? How can you change it……? Think about your perfection. You are perfect. And your possibilities are endless.  What do you love……? Where does your happiness come from……? How does it grow…..? Now move on. Its ok. The answers will come. Move on.

Breathe in…………………………………………………..slowly………………………………………….breathe out………………………… fully

Close your eyes. Shut off your thoughts. Take a moment to just listen. What surrounds you?  Where is the chaos? Where is the peace?

Hang your head down. Let your chin touch your chest. Relax your shoulders. Release the tension. Don’t clench your jaw. Just relax. Let it go.  Enjoy the freedom. Feel the moment. Let it slide. Its ok.

Pick your head up, roll it to one side, around to the back, and then to the other. Slowly. Feel the stretch. Enjoy it. Appreciate your body. Release the tension.  Repeat as much as you need. Its ok.

My sweet Rachel, why are you so stressed? Can you let it go? The pressure is building. When will it stop? When will you let it go? Its all over your face. Your body is holding it in. You can feel it. And it shows. Let it go. It will be ok. Let it go.

Please understand you are not alone. I know you feel that you are. But its not truth. You are not alone. Never. Even though you feel trapped, and sad, and scared, and panicked Just know, itll pass. It always does.  Breathe in, deep deep deep. And hold it. Think for a moment about those who love you. Those who care. Those who know you’re having trouble. And those who you can lean on. They will take some of the burden, if you let them. And the load will be nothing for them. Its not so heavy when you divide it. Share it. They can handle it. You can share the load, and it wont be so heavy. Share it. They want it. And you can breathe.

Rachel, I love you. And you know it. And that really is the only love that truly matters. And you’ve earned it. Having the deepest strongest, completely saturated self love is a gift that few receive. And you have it. How amazing. It’s the strongest support and the only support you’ll ever need. And its yours. How incredible.